Distance, good sir, is dirty.

I do not run. 

I do not care to run.

And I have been running for weeks now. 

 

If, say, two short months ago, you would have told me that I might be spending my mornings on a treadmill, or my weekends using mountains as an alternative to the stair climber, then I would have [insert appropriately violent terminology] you.

 Or perhaps just glared at you. In what would surely have been a studied impression of Maggie Smith's incredulous "look." You know the one. The one that freezes time on Downton Abbey.

But no. No, I would have lived to regret my actions. Why? Because quite honestly, a little running is the perfect excuse to PLAY IN THE MUD! Marine Mud Run, you were a beast. You made me dirty, but I made it through your 5K obstacle course and got this incredible photo opportunity out of it.

   
 Next: We do an Orbitz commerical. And make millions. Yes, yes, I do believe that will work.